When a parenting order is first put in place, it’s based on what worked best for your family at that time.

Life changes and those changes can alter our circumstances. Parents may change vocations and become more, or less, available to parent. A parent may have to relocate for work related purposes or any other purpose. A child’s needs may change. People move on, enter into new relationships, which may bring children into the relationship or add children to their blended family.

A parenting arrangement that made sense previously may no longer fit your family’s needs today and/or the needs of a new family relationship. When circumstances change, we need to adapt and change with it while managing the respect and autonomy of the other parent and their situation. 

Parenting orders are not permanent. If your circumstances have changed, then the needs of your child and your ability to parent may have changed. You have options and restructuring your parenting arrangement is something you should consider to avoid frustrations and discord. 

The first question most lawyers will seek to answer is, has there been a material and significant change in the circumstances of the children and/or a parent’s ability to meet the needs of the children? Let’s look at this summarily.

1. Ask Yourself: What’s Changed?

Not every inconvenience means a parenting order should be changed, but significant life changes may be enough to revisit the arrangement.

Some common examples include:

  • One parent has moved or plans to relocate.
  • A child has started school or become involved in more activities.
  • A parent’s work schedule has changed.
  • The current parenting schedule is no longer practical.
  • One parent isn’t following the existing order.
  • There are new concerns about a child’s safety or well-being.

Every family is different. What qualifies as a significant change will depend on your unique situation.

2. The Focus Is Always on the Children: Child Centered

When parenting arrangements are reviewed, the most important question isn’t what’s easiest for the parents—it’s what’s best for the child. We should look at the situation from the child’s perspective. Parents typically adapt to their children’s needs, not the other way around. Parents who focus on their needs are often more emotional and find difficulty accepting a child focused approach. 

The court will consider things like:

  • The child’s emotional and physical well-being.
  • Their relationship with each parent.
  • Stability and routine in their daily life.
  • Each parent’s ability to care for them.
  • The child’s wishes, when appropriate for their age and maturity.

The goal is to create a parenting arrangement that supports the child’s best interests as they grow.

3. If You Can Agree, the Process Is Often Easier

Parenting challenges do not have to become a legal battle. Parents must exhaust alternative measures prior to seeking relief from the Court. Mediation is one example of working cooperatively with the other parent and a 3rd party mediator. 

If both parents agree that the current arrangement no longer works, you may be able to create a new parenting plan together, and create your own new court order and/or written agreement. 

Working together will save time, dramatically reduce legal costs, and make co-parenting easier moving forward. Keeping your hands on the wheel is the best way to ensure the needs of your family are being met as opposed to a 3rd party decision-maker making decisions for your family that do not necessarily consider each person’s needs. 

4. If You Can’t Agree, You Still Have Options

Sometimes parents simply see things differently.

If you cannot reach an agreement, you may need to ask the court to change the existing parenting order.

Before taking that step, it’s important to understand:

  • Whether your situation meets the legal requirements for changing an order.
  • What information will you need to support your request?
  • What options are available outside of court?

Getting legal advice early can help you understand the process and avoid unnecessary delays and further frustrations.

5. Can I Make Changes on My Own?

It can be tempting to start doing something different, something that works for you. This usually creates problems for the other parent if you change matters unilaterally. It forces the other parent to react, and reactions will generally cause more problems than solve them at the front end. This is why open communication between parents is so important when parenting children. 

If an adjustment cannot occur by mutual consent, and unless there’s an immediate safety concern, it is usually recommended to continue following the existing court order until a new agreement is reached or the order is officially changed.

Making changes unilaterally and/or without legal approval will usually cause more harm than good, including, but not limited to: equal and opposite reaction from the other parent; children being caught up in the middle of parental conflict, court applications, legal fees, and months of anxiety.  

It is highly recommended that you speak to an experienced family law lawyer before embarking on any changes to your existing parenting regime. Ensuring you understand your circumstances in relation to the legal steps, and how to manage this with limited conflict, is well worth the first step to discuss matters with a family law lawyer. 

Sometimes a Conversation Is the Best First Step

Changing a parenting order can occur by discussing it with the other parent. It can be that easy. 

For many families, mediation provides an opportunity to sit down, have productive conversations, understand what the request is and why it is requested, and work toward a solution that meets everyone’s needs—especially the children’s. Mediation is often a much faster, less stressful, and more affordable way to resolve parenting issues than litigation. More importantly, it is you who drives the results as opposed to a 3rd party decision-maker. 

Every family’s situation is different, and the best path forward depends on your circumstances.

Lawren Wowk is an experienced family law lawyer and accredited mediator with Grey Wowk Spencer LLP. Whether you’re looking to update an existing parenting order, explore mediation, or simply understand your legal options, Lawren can help you navigate the process with practical advice and a focus on finding solutions.

If your current parenting arrangement no longer works for your family, contact Grey Wowk Spencer LLP to schedule a confidential consultation with Lawren and discuss the options available to you.